Thursday, June 02, 2005

What Is Enough?

Sensing myself moving away from the silence (how long has it been since I really wrapped myself in complete silence and drifted, just drifted in this thought....) I find it difficult to regain my footing and I slip past the edge and into the chaos. This isn't me; why am I acting this way?

I am sensing a disturbance in the Force (did I just write that?) Yes, I did.

And like a lost little boy, I wander around inside my pitiful ness at being unsettled and vow to be stronger, be bolder in not resisting the urge to become angry; to just let it be- see my anger, breathe in...and breathe out and away....

But it comes again, and at such short intervals, gaps becoming murkier and murkier. This isn't what I know to be, why do I loose my center and fade into the grayness?

Does it take unbalance to recognize balance? Yes, that must be it. How much unbalance? Writing helps to makes sense and restore a centeredness... but for now, I let this unbalance be, and experience this question.

There is a reason.

I am reminded by my friend Meredith that behind all, including this, is Clear Mind. I choose now to step into the silence and recognize what I am- and what I am not.

It is enough.

"God makes us ask ourselves questions most often when He intends to resolve them. He gives us needs that He alone can satisfy and awakens capacities that He means to fulfill. Any perplexity is liable to be a spiritual gestation, leading to a new birth and a mystical regeneration."

Thomas Merton


Blogger Conservation Terms said...

I like that quote. It is really good and reminds me that the Lord alone is in control and although we may not see the big picture, He does.

8:46 PM  
Blogger isaiah said...

Thank you for your post- Yes, a good reminder of Divine Order! Please stop by from time to time.


8:22 PM  
Blogger Meredith said... are living the questions... and are on a growing edge.

Disturbances, losing your footing, slipping into chaos, feeling lost, wandering, unsettled - right, I know these unbalanced resting places intimately.

So true: silence is the best remedy. Clearness will undoubtedly come again.

Clear, calm, peace.

I like Merton's phrasing - spritual gestation... something is surely growing inside of us.

12:26 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I accept you...losing your focus or maintaining it...I will always accept you and think that you are perfection in progress.

2:44 PM  
Blogger isaiah said...

Thanks Baby-

Back at you! It's been a tough few weeks, all the hours making sure everyone else is in party mode! Hurry up with the novel so we can retire!


3:11 PM  
Blogger Buford said...

Without one you can never have the other. Anger is intracately tied to peace. If we could not regonize anger it is uterly useless to try to understand peace.

Maybe thats the answer, all we need to do is accept the anger. Through acceptance we gain understanding, through understanding we gain peice of mind, and through peice of mind we gain what you seek--peace.

All my love

11:28 AM  
Blogger isaiah said...

Yes, you are right.... and this I know (should know always), thanks for reminding me- thanks what friends are for.

9:43 PM  

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